Can't Help Fight This Feeling
by bringmesomepie
Summary: And Even As I Wander, I'm keeping you in sight, You're a candle in the window, On a cold, dark winter's night, and I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might/ Can't Fight This Feeling (By: REO Speedwagon)


"Ha! Take that!" He yelled in victory, lifting his arms high.

"You distracted me." The other defended.

"No, you're just a sore loser." He smiled and jumped from the couch. "You're buying lunch."

The second man jumped up and tackled the other. "I hate you."

"Says the loser." The first man laughed and rolled over to top the second. "Castiel Novak sucks at Halo."

"You put your hands in my face!"

"Excuses, excuses, excuses." He laughed holding him down.

"Get off me, Dean." Castiel struggled.

"Say I'm awesome."

"I want a rematch."

"Say it!" Dean repeated.

"NO!" Castiel stood his ground.

"Come on, Dean Winchester is the master of Halo." Dean taunted.

"Dean Winchester is the master of Halo." Castiel mumbled.

"Was that so hard?" Dean stood and stretched out a hand towards his friend.

"Yes." Castiel deadpanned.

"You're still paying for lunch." Dean jogged to the front door.

"Dean, no running in the house." Mary said as he passed the kitchen.

"Yes, m'am." Dean answered as he walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. "Me and Cas are gonna go out for lunch, want anything?"

"No, but thanks, sweetie. Don't stay out to late. I mean it this time, Ellen, Bobby and Jo are coming over." Mary smiled and wiped her hands on a dish rag. "If you could pick up Sam from Jess's house that would be great?"

"No problem, Mom." Dean smiled and dashed out of the kitchen.

"Dean—"

"Sorry!" Dean answered as the door shut behind him.

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Dean hopped into the drivers seat of his precious Impala and looked over at his best friend. "Ready?"

"No, you're gonna burn a hole in my wallet just based on principle." Cas pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Don't be a pouter, Cas." Dean started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

"What do you think about Meg Masters?" Cas asked after a few minutes of unsuccessful pouting.

"She's alright. A bit of a bitch." Dean answered. He smiled and glanced over to the black haired man. "You have a thing for Meg?"

"Maybe?" Cas answered.

"It's ok if you do. I'm not judging you." Dean pulled into a parking place of their favorite restaurant. '_The Roadhouse'_

"We made out once." Cas said once they sat down at their normal booth.

"How was it?"

"Good, I liked it. That's why I wanted your opinion." Dean nodded and looked around the restaurant. It was like he was in his own head for a moment, thinking almost too hard. "Dean?"

"What?"

"Should I go for it?"

"Do whatever you want, Cas. It's your life, live it to the fullest."

*&^%$#%^&*&^%$#%^&*^%$

Dean dropped Cas off and then picked up Sam. Once they got home Jo, Ellen and Bobby were already there. John and Bobby were in yet another argument. Ellen and Mary were in a deep conversation about their day and Sam darts off to his room, leaving Jo and Dean by themselves. Dean stayed outside in the crisp mid fall air. He sat on top of the Impala and closed his eyes and just breathed in the cool air.

He had had a major crush on Castiel since around 7-8th grade. He had been holding his tongue for the past 4 years. The one thought that runs through his mind is that since this is their senior year and they are going to spilt up for college Dean would stop falling for his best friend by the end of the first semester of college.

"Whatcha doin?" He heard at his side. He opened his eyes and turned his head in the direction of the voice. It was Jo. She had his hair up in a ponytail and hands on her pockets.

"Nothing, just thinking." Dean responded as he scooted over to give Jo some room.

Jo and Dean had a weird relationship. They had known each other for many, many, many years. They were really close. They were _really_ close. Close enough to the point they lost their virginity to each other and still to this day have casual, no string attached sex in the Impala or one of their rooms.

Jo knew all too much of Dean's major crush with Castiel. She didn't even mind Dean moaning out Castiel's name during sex. Mostly because Dean knew she had a huge crush on Charlie Bradberry and her name would drip off Jo tongue at climax. They were an unusual set of friends.

"Thinking about Castiel again?" Jo climbed up on the hood and curled up beside her friend with benefits.

"He has a thing for Meg Masters. Apparently they have made out before and he wants to ask her out."

"Maybe she will reject him." Jo replied laying her head on Dean's shoulder and wrapped her hands around his bicep.

"But that would kill him." Dean said resting his head on the top of hers. "I hate to see Cas upset."

"You should tell him how you are feeling."

"What if he rejects me? He's not gay. He likes women, he likes Meg." Dean pointed out as he took her hand and played with her fingers.

"What if he is gay? It's not like you're straight."

"I'm not gay, I just like Cas…" Dean blushes, hoping Jo doesn't look at him.

"I can feel your face heating up." Jo answered. "You wanna go inside and play some GFA?"

"Nah, I just want to sit here and wallow in my self-loath." Dean replied closing his eyes once again.

He felt Jo straddle him and place kiss from his exposed collarbone and up his neck to lips. She cupped Dean's jaw and placed smooth, loving kisses to his lips. His hands moved to her waist and he deepened the kiss. Images of Cas raced through his head. The conversation they had thing afternoon at the Roadhouse stuck in his brain. It would leave. He couldn't enjoy Jo's passionate kisses with the thought of Meg all over Cas. It killed his boner and he could feel bile forcing its way up his throat.

He pulled away from Jo and pulled her off his lap and slid off the hood and the second his feet planted the ground vomit spewed out of his mouth and onto the ground. After a few up chuck and several gags he was done. He felt Jo's hand rub circle on his back. "You ok?" she asked softly.

"What if she takes advantage of Cas? Cas is…He doesn't need to be with someone like Meg. It makes me sick."

"That's not going to happen, Dean." Jo answered.

"I'm gonna go lay down. I'm not hungry. I just want to go lay down in my bed." Dean avoided the slop pile he form in vomit.

"Want me to join you?"

"No, I want to be alone." Dean started walking towards the house.

&^%$#%^&*&^%$# $%^&*(&^%$# #$%^&*

"Dean! Dean!" Cas flung open the side door to Dean's house and ran inside. He flew past the kitchen where Mary and John were sitting at the kitchen table. "Good Morning, Mr. & Mrs. Winchester."

He darted up the stairs and barreled into Dean's room, to find the man he was looking for dead asleep on his stomach and face plastered to his pillow in puddle of drool. "Dean! Wake up! Wake up!" Cas jumped on the bed and threw the covers off and pushed the teen out of bed and onto the floor.

Dean groaned. "Cas, what the hell?" He sat up and ran a hand down his face.

"I got a letter from KU." Cas pulled out an unopened envelope from his pocket.

"Are you going to open it?"

"I wanted to wait and open it when you got your letter."

Dean stood and stretched and yawned. "Let's go see if it came yet."

"You're not going to put clothes on?" Cas smirked as Dean gave himself a once over. He wasn't wearing a shirt and wore low riding pajama pants and going commando.

"It's just a walk to the mailbox, not a voyage across the arctic." Dean walked down the stairs and into the kitchen with Cas nipping at his heels. "Morning…"

"Who needs an alarm clock when Castiel Novak wakes Dean up almost every morning?" Mary smiled.

"I thought we locked the side door last night." John retorted. Mary popped his arms and he laughed.

Dean groggily walked to the mailbox and Cas basically all but summersaulted down the driveway. Dean opened the mailbox and much to his surprise nestled in between a cars magazine and Mary's Home's and Garden magazine was a letter from KU.

In all honesty, Dean didn't think he would be accepted into KU. He didn't make the best grades, his ACT/SAT scores were not good, and his attendance record was flaky. Dean knew for a fact that Cas was going to be accepted no matter what. It was a given, basically.

They walked inside and into the living room and sat on the couch. They both opened the letter and read it. Cas quickly stood up and gasped. "I got in!" Cas cheered. Dean looked down at his letter. He didn't really read it because he wanted to know Cas's letter.

Right off the bat, Dean was happy, but after that split second it turned to pure agony. "I got in?" Dean gasped.

He was happy that he was smart enough to go to college and be there with his best friend, but he had to be there with his best that he has had a major crush on since they were in middle school.

Dean stood and smiled. "I got in." Cas pulled him into a tight hug.

"That's amazing, dude! We have to celebrate." Cas beamed.

"Yeah, let's go." Dean smiled.

"Alright, let me call Meg and she can join us." Cas pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Meg?" Dean rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we have been going out for a few weeks now. I told you right?" Cas dialed Meg's number.

"You told me you were thinking about it, but never said anything else." Dean muttered as Cas began to walk out of the room. Dean huffed and flopped onto the couch. He listened to Cas talk with Meg.

"Are you back together with Jo?" Cas asked a few moments later walking back into the room with his phone a few inches away from his face.

Dean blinked for a moment. "Um—Yeah…" Dean lied.

"She can come to if you want." Cas smiled making Dean smiled.

"Let me call her." Dean stood and walked outside. He put his phone up to his ear and waited for a moment until she answered.

"What's up, Winchester?"

"I need you to do me a huge favor." Dean blurted out.

"Gettin down to brass tacks, aren't we?"

"First, I got accepted into KU." Dean smiled with a hint of excitement.

"That's awesome!"

"Second, Cas and I were going to go celebrate because he got accepted too, and well, he invited Meg. Apparently they have been going out for a few weeks. I have been spending lot of tie with you in school and right after school, so I guess Cas thinks we are back together…"

"Sure, I go out with you and be your beard."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you were going to put up a fight."

"No, Charlie got this new girlfriend, Gilda, and I really want you to fuck hard tonight, and a littler hetero relationship and date night sound fun with you."

"Thank you, Jo. Trust me I want to fuck you so hard into your pillow you'll be crying out somebody's name may it be my name to Charlie's."

"Are y'all going to head over and pick me up?"

"Yeah, I don't know if we are going to pick up you or Meg first."

"See ya later, Winchester."

Dean hung up and walked back inside. Cas was off the phone and sitting on the couch. "I'm gonna get dressed and we can head out."

"Hey, Dean." Cas stood.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about me and Meg. I was waiting for the right time and then you started spending a lot of time with Jo so I thought y'all were back to together, so I spent time with Meg when you were with Jo and just came over like normal and didn't mention it because you weren't mentioning anything about girls or Jo."

Dean walked over to CAs and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, calm down, it's fine. It was really none of my business. Who you date is your choice. My opinion doesn't matter. I'm not judging you. Now, I'm going to go get dressed and freshened up because I'm still in my pajamas and then we're going out with two lovely women."

&^%$# $%^&^%$#%^&*^%$

Dean, Cas, Meg, and Jo all ate a small café and the two girl got along fine. They had gotten up to go to the bathroom when Cas turned to Dean and had a serious look on his face. "Dean?"

"What?" Dean answered taking a swig of his coffee.

"I think I am going to have sex with Meg tonight."

Dean choked on his coffee. After a few minutes of awkward coughing Dean regain composure and cleared his throat. "Are you sure about that Cas? You have only been dating Meg for a few months. Are you ready for that kind on commitment?"

"You do it all the time. I know for a fact that you and Jo have done it many times and some of those times you weren't even together." Cas crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, you're right, Cas, but I regret doing that. I should have waited for the right person." Dean remarked. _'I should have waited for you.'_ He thought.

"What if she is the right person? I really like her, Dean."

Dean lifted his hand palm up pointing to Cas. "My point right there. You don't love her, not yet anyway. Learn from my mistakes, Cas. Don't sleep with someone until you know you love at least." Cas nodded as he saw the two girls walk back. "Did y'all have fun?"

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"Dean, feels so good." Jo moaned as her face slammed into the seat of the Impala.

"I need this, Jo, thank you." Dean moaned thrusting into the blonde. "Cas told me he wanted to fuck Meg."

"What did you tell him?" Jo asked flipped over onto her back, letting Dean bend forward and they looked each other in the eyes.

"I told him that he shouldn't have sex until he has found the one or loves the person enough."

"But that's not what you do." Jo frowned.

Dean pulled out, side off the condom, threw it out the car window and sat on the seat. Jo sat up and curled up beside him. "You know, you were the only girl I slept with that I actually loved. I still love you. You're the best girlfriend I have ever had. Especially since we are both raging queers hiding in the closet with major crushes on someone that's we're too afraid to tell."

"When are we ever gonna grow a pair?" Jo sighed.

"Honey, if I knew."

&^%$# #$%^&*^%$# $%^&*&^%$

"AW! My baby is going to college." Mary smiled and pulled Dean into a tight hug.

"Mom…" Dean moaned. "I'm just gonna be 15 minutes down the road. I'm gonna be fine, Cas is my roommate in the dorm and we are going to be perfectly fine."

"My baby boy is growing up." Mary said close to tears.

"Mama, don't cry." Dean smiled and wiped a stray tear from his mother's face.

"Don't hesitate to call me." Mary smiled and let the tear fall down her cheeks.

"I love you, Mama." Dean smiled as he kissed her on the cheek. Dean looked over to John. "Dad."

"I'm proud of you, son." John nodded. Dean stretched his hand out to shake John's hand, but was interrupted when John pulled Dena into a fatherly bear hug. "Be good."

"I will, Dad." Dean nodded and walked over to his little brother. "Well, Sammy, guess you got the whole to yourself. You gonna be ok?"

"You're gonna be like 10 minutes away, De. I'll see you all the time." Sam shrugged.

"But, I won't be home at night. Sure, I'll visit during the day after class and on the weekends, but weekday night I'm not going to be there." Dean sat beside Sam on the porch.

"Yeah, so…" Sam tried to look at his older brother.

"High school is nothing scary. You're going to do perfect. If you need any help in any of your classes you know who to call." Dean smiled.

"You—?"

"Hell, no, Cas." Dean laughed. Sam chuckled. "Seriously, Sammy, call me whenever you want. Call me every night if you want. I'm just 10 minutes down the road."

"Thanks, Dean." Sam smiled. Dean stood and walked over to his car as he saw Cas jogging over to him.

Dean and Cas spent all yesterday moving everything into their dorm room and spent one last night at their parent's house before officially moving out. "You ready to go?" Cas smiled.

"Yeah." He turned to his parents and brother. "See ya Saturday."

&^%$# $%^&*(*&^%$#%^&*()_

The first night in the dorm was different. Yeah sure it was just Cas and they had been sleeping over at each other's house s since they were barely in the double digits, but the fact that Dean was basically in love with Cas and him not even notice was hard.

Once a few months pasted and they were firmly settled into the rhythm of college things became normal, but Dean's crush on Cas only grew stronger. His jealousy only grew bigger whenever he saw Cas with Meg. Going strong for over a year and Cas still hadn't fucked Meg, yet until one night when Dean went out to hang out with Jo, whom had decided that The Roadhouse was he life and running it was here full time job.

Dean sat at the bar with Jo stand on the inside. "So, I have decided to grow a pair." Jo remarked.

"How so?" Dean took a swig of his non-alcoholic beverage, unfortunately.

"I talked with Charlie the other day and she said she would come by tonight." Jo smiled.

"You're gonna ask her out?" Dean rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I'm freaking out."

"Don't be scared, it's just like asking a guy out, but that guy has boob and a vagina." Dean smirked.

The blonde bent over the bar and took Dean's hands. "I think you should talk to Cas. I think you should tell him how you really feel."

Dean looked down at his and Jo's hands. "I can't, Jo. He's with Meg."

"Don't say I didn't tell you." Jo shook her head.

*^&%^$#$^&*(&^%$$^&*(

Dean opened the door to his and Cas's door and he immediately knew Cas was in bed with Meg and they had recently bumped uglies. He flicked on the lights and slammed the door making both Meg and Cas sit straight up. "Meg, I need you to leave."

"We never make Jo leave when we find you in bed with her." Meg barked back.

"Well, this is different." Dean snapped.

"Why does she have to leave?" Cas asked confused. "What do you have to say that you can't say in front of Meg?"

"I just want to talk to you, Cas. In private."

Meg turned to Cas. "See, this is what I was talking about, Cas."

"What?" Dean took a step forward. Meg pulled on her clothes and looked at Dean.

"You're so selfish and don't care about anybody but yourself." Meg spat out.

"Get out of my face, Masters." Dean towered over the short brunette.

"Move outta my way, Winchester." Meg stood her ground.

"Babe, Dean, calm down. Meg, I'll talk to you later." Cas spoke. Meg stormed out and Cas got out of bed and slid on some boxers. "What did you wanna talk about?"

"I'm sorry, Cas. What just happened did sound really ru—"

"Why is that the onetime me and Meg decided to make love in my bed you force her to go back to her dorm, yet Jo can stay the night?"

"I'm sorry, Cas. I ruined your first time, I'm an ass, but I really needed to talk to you and get something off my chest."

"dean, you have been acting weird towards meg since day one. I feel like you don't like her, but she everything is fine, so I'm going to tell you this, Meg is a nice woman and I lo—" Cas managed to say before Dean slammed his lips into Cas's.

Cas's body went stiff and rigid. Dean pulled back and starring at a shocked Cas. Dean opened his mouth to say something but Cas spoke first.

"What the fuck? What the actual fuck? Dean I don—"

"Oh God. Oh God." Dean mumbled as he felt his chest tighten and panic bubble up in his throat. "I ruined our…Oh God—I-I…" Dean rushed out of the room and down the hall and out of the building.

He basically ran down the street and pulled out his phone. He blindingly dialed Jo's number. Tears were building up in Dean's tears as he slowed down to a fast paced walk. He was one beat below hyperventilating and one second away from a full blown panic attack. He stopped and crouch on his heels against a wall of a building, now hyperventilating as Jo answered. "Dean?"

"Jo…I-I-I…Oh God…ruined—my—It's…Oh God." Dean panicked choking on his breath.

"Dean, where are you?"

"Jo…"

"Where are you, Dean?"

Dean looked around for a second. "Li-library."

"Stay where you are, Dean. I'm coming to you. Keep talking to me. Take deep breaths."

Dean hiccupped and then coughed. He was panicking so bad he was making himself sick. "I-I-I- ruined—Cas…"

"Dean, focus on my voice and only my voice. I'm almost to you. Take deep breaths or me, please."

Dean coughed and then gagged and vomited his supper on the ground beside him. By that time Dean calm down his breathing and Jo was running over to him. "Jo, I kissed him and he hated it. I ruined our friendship, forever. I can never go back to my dorm room. We should run away and never come back." Dean sobbed.

"Yeah, I like that idea." Jo nodded.

Dean nodded but then shook his head. "No, you have that thing with Charlie."

"You're not the only one who ruined their live with their gay crush."

&*^%$%^&*&^%$%^&*(&^%$^&*(

**_15 YEARS LATER…_**

"Are you sure you wanna work today?" Dean asked for the fifth time.

"Dean, babe, I'm perfectly fine. Dr. Braeden told me I could still work unless told otherwise or I go into labor."

"Alright, I'll stop bothering you." Dean smiled and pecked her on the lips and rubbed Jo's swollen middle. "If you need a break, just tell me."

"God, Dean, we co-own this place, I can take a damn break if I want to take a break." Jo snapped.

*&^%$#$%^&*(&^%$%^&*(

The small café was near empty. They had just had their lunch rush, so things were slow. Dean sat at the cash register in his white button shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his black pants and black work shoes and his red tie. He wore a black apron around his waist which held a notebook pen and maybe a few straws.

He had just finished counting down the drawer when Jo tapped him on the shoulder. "You need a break. You have been working hard since 7:30 this morning and it's almost 5."

Dean nodded, not wanting to piss off his wife. With that in mind, Jo and Dean have the weirdest marriage one could ask for. Once Dean and Jo left they got married. They were still the closeted homosexuals. They would go out and hit on guys or girls and end up sleeping with them and having very risqué foursomes.

They were happy. That's when Jo became pregnant. They decided to settle down and just be together as man and wife to seem "normal" to their child. They knew how stupid that sounded but they were under weird circumstances.

Dean walked into the back room and Jo sat down at the register and wrote in her journal while they were slow. She heard the door chime which forced her eye to the entrance. It was a face Jo wasn't going to forget.

"Jo?" The stranger spoke.

"Cas?" Jo gasped.

Cas smiled and walked over to the blonde. "You look good."

He wore a tan trenchcoat and a black suit underneath. His hair was still the bed head mess it always was. "Same to you. What are you doing here?"

"It's funny I see you today. I have been trying to find Dean."

"It's been 15 years, Cas. You have been looking that long?"

"Have you been here the whole time?" Cas answered as a question.

"No, Dean and I moved around for a while. We have been here for a couple years. We've settle down and own this cute little café."

"So, Dean's here?" Cas lit up.

"Yeah, CAs, I don't think it would be a good—"

"Cas?" Jo heard from behind her. She turned and saw Dean standing in front of the office door with a rag in his hands. She looked over to Cas and he looked so relieved. He glanced over to Jo and his expression shifted.

Jo rubbed her belly as the baby kicked frantically, not liking the sudden stress. "You're pregnant?"

"Yeah, 8 ½ months." Jo ran her left hand through his hair.

"And married?"

Jo flinched and looked at her ring finger and nodded. "Yeah, for a little over 14 years now."

Cas looked over to Dean who had walked back into the kitchen. Cas followed. Dean was propped against a counter white knuckling the edge with his eyes closed and trying to control his breathing. Cas touched Dean's shoulder. He all but collapsed to the ground. "Dean…"

"You're not supposed to be here."

"I need to talk to you."

"No, you're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be in Kansas, nowhere near me. I ruined our friendship and I don't deserve you." Dean panicked.

"Will you shut up for a moment?" Cas blurted out, pulling Dean to his feet. "There, now." Cas slapped Dean across the face. "Don't ever runaway like that again!"

Dean rubbed his cheek in confusion. "Wha—"

"Don't ever do that to me again. You don't just kiss somebody and then runaway like that."

"I thought…"

"Shut up." Cas snapped. "_What started out as friendship has grown stronger. I only wish I had the strength to let it show. I feel so secure when we're together. You give my life direction. You make everything so clear._"

Dean smiled. "Cas…"

"I'm not finished." Cas held a hand up. "_And I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor; Come crushing through your door. I can't fight this feeling anymore_"

"Cas…"

"_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you. I've been running round in circles in my mind. And it always seems that I'm following you. You take me to the places that alone I'd never find. You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night. And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might_."

Dean opened his mouth to speak but Cas put a finger to his lips. "_I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor; Come crushing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore._"

Cas cupped Dean's jaw and slammed his lips into Dean's. They slowly pulled away and had smiles on their face. "REO Speedwagon?"

"Hell yes, REO." They heard from a petite woman's voice. "Kevin Cronin sings it from the heart."

"No, he sings it from the hair." Dean laughed and looked at Cas.

"I mean it, Dean."

"I know, but if you haven't figured it out…." Dean looked over to Jo. "She pregnant with my baby."

"I know." Cas smirked. "We'll figure something out."


End file.
